Yep. It’s true. At 50 I’m in a sandwich. It really doesn’t feel real and I’m not sure how I got here so quickly. But never-the-less, I’m here and I’m actively seeking ways on a daily basis to deal with it in a healthy way. Let’s deconstruct this shall we?

Specifically I’m a clubhouse. I have 3 pieces of bread, my favorite is rye bread. Yours? I digress.

I have 3 pieces of bread representing three people in my life who need extra love, care and compassion. And it is, as I’m discovering, very difficult to navigate. I did not plan on being a caregiver yet here I am. I am by nature, a nurturer. I want others to feel comfort and security; I do not want pain for them. If I can take that for them so they can enjoy more of what makes them happy then I’ve done my job. Yet at this moment I feel like all of the contents of this clubhouse are falling out. One day it’s the lettuce taking a deep dive on the plate, the next day it’s the tomato. I just can’t seem to keep this marvel of food engineering together, or at least it feels that way to me.

Disease. Many diseases. Foreign to me. In dealing with mental decline, a body that is layers upon layers of complex issues that are all working against someone and add in a rare diagnosis that is riddled with symptoms so confusing and messy that perhaps I should identify as a blender drink rather than a clubhouse. Honestly, the complexities of these diagnoses are frustrating. There is no one simple solution or direct path to normalizing life with any of them. I don’t need to name a disease specifically to share my message with you. So here we go.

I have been sacrificing my own happiness, deep passion for my business and I’m sure, some of my own health to help those I love. On a daily basis there is something new to interrupt my thought process, my routine and to of course, wake me in the middle of the night with a pounding chest because of the anxiety of it all. Some days my friend, I feel like I just can’t catch a break. I feel behind all the time. Oh and that pile of laundry over there…right, I need to go throw that in the washing machine. Grocery shopping? LOL I now just use a delivery service. Honestly I love grocery shopping but now it’s just one more thing on the list that I cannot fit into my day.

This is a tough sandwich to enjoy one bite at a time.

So here’s what I’m doing. Each slice of bread gets at least some attention from me, more of a check in every day or so to see where they’re at. Because what I’ve realized is that I absolutely cannot do everything for them. I can make appointments with specialists, I can provide healthy meals (because I really love to cook), I can drive them where they need to go and all of the other things that go along with this but I need to make sure I carve out some time for me. My passions and dreams still matter.

The question always is, where do I find time for that? I am, learning the art of saying no. No to “that doesn’t fit in my schedule, can we find another day?”. Because the constant pivoting is like adding mustard to this clubhouse that really likes mayonnaise. LOL. The mustard just doesn’t belong!

I have scheduled time that is non-negotiable to tackle my business and feed it with love because I love what I do. In my opinion, the only way being an entrepreneur allows you to be flexible with your time and energy is if you purposely make time to give it what it needs. I love my business.

There are days when I just walk away from the mountains of healthcare pamphlets on the coffee table. Reading one more thing about that disease or that symptom does not provide me with joy. Joy comes from being able to express myself creatively and providing joy to others. Jewelry, skincare, cooking, mentoring others; all things that give my lifestyle meaning and purpose. Turing my back on that lifestyle creates resentment that I just don’t want. So as I continue to navigate each layer of this sandwich I force myself to take pause and purposefully do one thing for my passions.

For instance, writing this, it’s important to me. I love to write and I’ve denied myself that for years. No longer. I have been wanting and needing to modernize my business brand. I’ve been working slowly in behind the scenes to do that. You may have noticed a few changes.

I’ve been allowing myself to dream of the future again and more specifically where I want to take my business not only for myself but for YOU too. And do you know what I found under that sneaky piece of cheese? I found excitement and energy. I have found hope like a breath of fresh air and it feels really good.

So friend if you found yourself reading this and in any way you can relate to a part or the whole clubhouse, welcome to the plate. It’s served with a dill pickle for sass, a few potato chips because sometimes I can be salty and it’s always, always served with a pretty napkin on the side. If you know, you know. LOL

Thank you for taking the time to read this and be here. My table is always open to you. Let’s share more, more often. Want to meet for a coffee? Let’s do it. Lunch? Yes please! I love a really good sandwich.

xo, Marcia